Today, I let myself get upset and angry when yet another targeted smear campaign was lobbed at me online my my mentally-ill narcissistic mother. I succumbed to my feelings of pain and rage and the need to feel vindicated, even though my wiser heart knows that the only recourse is to go high, look ahead, and recognize the futility of defending myself to strangers. My self respect is reattached. I will make better choices next time (while still respecting my feelings.)
Here is my wish for you: I wish that you’ll rest your weary eyes and know that you are able to sleep without harm coming to you. I wish that you receive compassion and affection from your family (and I wish to remind you that family does not need to share blood). I wish for you to be seen in the capacity in which you need to be seen.
I hope your name is never slandered for glorification of an ungodly being whose sole purpose is to hurt you. I wish you at least three people who will answer your call at 3 a.m. without any hesitation, who will show up with bear spray and something hydrating and a woven basket full of tissues and a shoulder that cradles your head, without requiring reciprocation. I hope you know that you’ll be called upon to do the same, and that you’ll jump into your heart’s speedboat to deliver a sincere listening session.
I wish you a connection with nature that allows you to explore the ease that comes from touching your fingertips against the spiked grass or the gnarled wood. I wish you a peace that is true and unbounded and a notebook with pages that feel safe to scribble on.
I wish you the sensation of feeling whole, even if there are forces that want to break you. I wish you the bravery and capacity to step away from those forces and to not be afraid of what others might think. I wish you authenticity and a space to find your best walking shoes, shoes that will point you in the right direction, and whose soles aren’t crusted with eggshells.
I wish you an open ear to lean into, and I wish you an open heart to truly hear the pleas of others. If a bedraggled, beloved soul comes begging to you for compliance or blessing or apologies, I hope you will be able to step into their longing and meet them in a place of grace and love.
I wish you the clarity you need when it is time to step away from the things that make you feel heavy and unproductive. I wish you the strength to grip a beautiful walking stick when you feel unstable.
May you rise with aplomb and seek solace with assurance. May you rest. May you smile. May you exhale.
by Emily Nielsen
"I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition."
All posts are copyright ©Emily Nielsen